We're not close anymore. I'm not one of your favorite people. I'm not your favorite person. I'm not right for you. And that is why we agreed to distance. But I can't not go out. This is my life too. I need to dance and let loose. I don't know how to achieve distance with you. 

Unresolved conflict. Neither of us is willing or able to move. We're in the same scene (or boat). You bother me. I bother you. And vice versa. You say you want to play and be free. I say you're a donkey. And everyone is crazy. Whatever Romeo take your pick. I don't know who or what I am. I feel whatever too many things... Collateral damage I guess. So until next time or not at all or in the next life or tomorrow how do I feel? However do I want... How do I do or how will I or what I can or can't do or might etc... joy and pain... It's confusing. I just want to dance and hear music and paint or play too and support and be supported and heal and be healed and help and be helped and want and be wanted and need and be needed and love and be loved. No one wants to work and be worked or played. 

I'm trying to do something about it in my own way, dealing and managing and getting along or through or diving or falling or catching... this is how I do what I'm doing. Ding ding my headz ringin'. I want a partner dammit but whatever I'm surviving. And what is freedom? What does anything mean really when we're not close and we don't understand each other. It's funny and it's sad and it's romantic and full of dramas and actions and words. I need a break again.

Elizabeth WilliamsComment